"I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep."
That’s from sponge bob.
the simpsons series finale is going to be the biggest tv event in history
*drinks vodka* *gags* “ugh I hate vodka” *drinks vodka*
When I was a kid I thought your 20s were supposed to be fun, not filled with perpetual anxiety about financial stability and constantly feeling like an unaccomplished piece of shit.
That’s because it was fun for baby boomers and they basically gave us this impression it would always be like that, but then they ruined the economy.
dating the same gender is so great you can literally double your wardrobe
"I heart my car" she says as she pumps its hole full of love fluid, but their half-hearted smiles betray the truth. They’re just going through the motions, each silently wondering which will be the first to admit that the spark is gone.
lmao nobody really believes this…
my biggest fear is I’m married & my husband says, “let’s cut sugar out of our diet” so I have to leave with the kids in the middle of the night