it took me years to understand this joke
me: *goes to bed at 5am*
me: *is shocked, angry and doesnt understand why i keep waking up at noon*
how does phone sex end?
when you’re trying to sing your favorite song and you’re friend tries to start singing with you
do u ever have a thought that’s so fuckin inappropriate that u feel like dumping a bucket of water on urself like. calm down, self. tone it down. think about jesus
"Grandmother, what big ears you have," said Little Red Riding Hood.
"They’re plugs, not gauges," said the wolf.
What if you got the power to talk to animals but it turned out that animals are all aggressively Christian and keep trying to get you to come to youth group